Interview with God
So I'm sitting here both tingly excited about finally launching my writing career and also mildly terrified. I have decided that I want to write and represent God. For so many years I wondered what company would be best for me to work for? should I sell alkaline water ? should I be a spokesperson for soy candles ?maybe I could represent chakra balancing singing bowls or salt lamps from the Dead Sea. Over the years so many products and people have inspired me and I have wished to represent them in a more complete way so as to shine their light so more people could get the benefit of of whatever I was enjoying. But as time goes on, I more and more realize I don't want to limit myself. Much like going to a convention where there are many many booths and I am enjoying the freedom of not representing one booth but enjoying all of them.
Years ago in my status as just a mom as I would walk along the booths at each convention wishing I had some sort of complete mastery where I could own or represent a booth (I was feeling small and unimportant. Everyone at a booth seemed so powerful and confident! I had a few hours before I Picked up my toddler from preschool and as I shuffled from booth to booth,it suddenly occurred to me that without the people like me who are enjoying the products and booths, those folks like me who explore the various stations at festivals and art shows, and folks like me who are the audience there would be no benefit of the product or service, the painting, so by just being an amazing spectator or audience I am for filling I need . But now the voice in my head keeps telling me that I really really want to write for God I don't want to be limited to anyone booth and yet I don't want to just keep enjoying without sharing what things are working for me the divine light and love and wisdom that seems to come through me like the light through a window in the morning . I wish to shine this light in case any of that may be of help inspiration or encouragement to people who like me have struggled at different moments in their life and just want a little reassurance a little gentleness a little verification that all is really well and we are all connected and we are all perfectly imperfect. But then I started feeling so terrified .
Who am I to represent God what exactly are my qualifications am I being very uppity to think I could write for god really what are my credentials? So then in yoga instead of saying focused in on the mat and fully present in the here and now I let myself drift off to a hypothetical interview with God. It went something like this. As I went in to this luminous light and God encourage me to sit down he asked me well dear one I hear you want to write for me I bowed my head and said yes it is my sincere desire to write for you God then asked me well what exactly are your qualifications? Which since it is an interview with sort of a logical question again with a humble heart I replied well you made me so I'm sort of qualified and worthy to represent you right? I mean I have three children from my own womb and they sort of represent me every day don't they? Although one could lighten up and one could tighten up and I hope the other shows up they all are representations of me in someway much like I am a representation of you as a unique creative expression of you. So I believe my specific unique vantage point qualifies me to speak on your behalf my sincere desire is to inspire encourage and uplift. There will be times I just write how I'm feeling but there are other times maybe you could give give me your thoughts your wishes your vision and I'd be happy to write that too. I'm aware I've been trying to figure this out and overthink it and I think it's time I just start putting my work out there and letting it be perfectly imperfect and let the reader decide if it helps or not but it's getting more to a point God that my need to express is greater then my need to have it all figured out. I want to let my heart lead and to quiet my pitta that part of me that wants to be perfect I am aware that my perfection has been slowing my progress. I wish to be like my kapha child Danny who says just fiddle with it until you figure things out I wish to be free like my vata child who just paints without a plan without a worry of who will look at it or judge it. I am aware that the pitta in me has been overly critical overly concerned about doing the right thing the exact way in perfect timing. But God I wish to trust more I wish to surrender to my inner knowing that this is an eternal journey and I'll never have it all figured out and I don't have to have it right I simply have to show up and share and be authentic and that's enough. So I don't know exactly what you would think about my credentials but I come to you with an open and humble heart and a sheer desire to serve. One of my favorite poems is the prayer of St. Francis or he asks to be a channel of the eyepiece an instrument of that I love. Dear Lord that is my wish.
